I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
