alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
