Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
