Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
