I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
