I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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