just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
