he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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