I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
