My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
my phone needs a breathalizer
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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