wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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