Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
