is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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