She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
