It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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