dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
