That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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