i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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