She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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