I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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