just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
