nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
