I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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