So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
