Do you still have your period?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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