New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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