his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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