I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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