My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Green mimosas i think yes
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
