me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
