he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
