You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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