so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
