I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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