70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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