i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
