if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
