I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Damn victory sex feels great
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
