the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
