Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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