Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
