You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
