I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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