Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
