That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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