forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
