What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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