I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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