Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
not ubering you a puppy
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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