Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
