How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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